Finder m.j.west "Have a seat in that chair", Ms. Collins said, motioning with her flipper. Mr. Allison moved towards the humming leather chair. "No! The other one", said Ms. Collins. The uneven bumps, and symmetrical stains, in the orange chair were disconcerting. As he sat, Mr. Allison kept his good eye on Ms. Collins. She returned the gesture. "It says on this piece of paper, you have come here for a job", said Ms. Collins. "Paper doesn't lie…at least not anymore", Mr. Allison said, going for the obvious joke. Ms. Collins did not laugh. "She is either deaf, or has left her funny bone at home again." thought Mr. Allison. He knew about her funny bone situation because he did his homework. Ms. Collins knew he knew this because this rascal sitting not-quite-directly across from her wasn't the only one who did their homework. She always tried to leave her funny bone in a place clearly visible, (on top of her cat, or inside the coffee pot, for example) so as not to forget it, but sometimes it just refused to be recognized. "We have several positions available. Was there one in particular that struck your fancy? And please, no 'striking-my-fancy jokes" said Ms. Collins. "Damn" thought Mr. Allison, "Humor is all I have. Well, that and a talent for choosing the right sandpaper for a given project." It was true. His stint as a carpenter in Bemidji had unearthed a canny knack for touching a piece of wood and knowing exactly which grade of sandpaper would enhance its natural grain. "If only I didn't have the utmost disdain for the manual arts" he thought. He said "I read in the town paper that there is a position available for a…" He took from his briefcase the neatly folded, obsessively folded, almost psychotically folded piece of newspaper that held the term he sought. "Finder. Yes, here you go." he said reading, " 'Wanted. A Finder. Must be good, or at least talented, at finding things'." "It's true." Ms. Collins said, speaking in a low tone, "We do have need of a Finder. People are spending much too much time looking for things that they have misplaced. Too much time not working. A waste, indeed. So, to bring us back to the point, yes, we need a Finder." "I am he" said Mr. Allison, pointing one of his many fingers at himself. "What have you found lately?" "Only this morning, I found my car keys, not in the last place one would look, but, rather, in the very first place." Ms. Collins raised an eyebrow, the one that could move. "Impressive. Efficient. But, what things have you found that weren't in the first place you looked, and in what place did you find them? I will need three examples." Mr. Allison stood. He raised himself to his full height, not having stand on tippy-toe hardly at all. "Two weeks ago, I found a missing argyle sock that had managed to allude me. I found it on the fourth try. It being argyle, I naturally thought it would be near the scotch tape. It was a mistake to assume so much, and I have learned from it." "He admits to being imperfect" Ms. Collins thought, "Admirable. And manipulatable" Mr. Allison continued. "Four days ago, I found the sound that love makes when it enters a persons soul. Intangible, yes, but found, nonetheless. Found on the tenth try." "Good abstract thinking, though a bit on the gushy side" thought Ms. Collins. "Gushy, as in a bad, sissy-half-woman thing, or gushy as in a sweet, caring thing?" said Mr. Allison. "Did I say that aloud?" thought Ms. Collins. "You did, just as you did now, again" said Mr. Allison. Ms. Collins closed her mouth very tight. She nodded for Mr. Allison to continue. "Lastly, just 34 hours ago, I found I possessed the ability to raise people from the dead. Not completely, of course, but just long enough to get their affairs in order and have one last moment with their loved ones. Not as powerful as being God, but much nicer, yes? I found this particular thing on the eighth try." Ms. Collins said, "Well, I'm impressed. You have shown a well-rounded ability to find things. A useful trait considering everyone that works here is, for the most part, different, and will require different handling. I will need you to fill out the various company forms and such. Do you have time today?" "I will find the time," said Mr. Allison. Neither of them laughed because, after all, it was now his job to find things.