The Noob Adventurer

The Noob Adventurer

“Why am I out here?” I ask myself as I trudge along this miserable road. At least I think it’s still a road. The least someone could do is post a sign up saying, “This is indeed still a road you’re trudging along on.” Come to think of it, I haven’t seen anyone in the last five days, at least since I entered this miserable dark and dank forest.

Of course, I probably would be at my destination by now if that stupid horse hadn’t decided to run off on me four days ago. Just thinking about it pisses me off. Turning around to the way I came I yell out, “I hope an ogre is picking its teeth with your bones you stupid horse!”

Just as soon as I yelled it, the realization hit me like a cold fish. “Aw, crap.” I silently whispered. What if there were ogres about? What if they just heard me? I froze waiting for any sound out of the ordinary. Minutes passed that seemed like hours and yet nothing was heard. At this point, I suddenly realized my sword wasn’t in my hand, “You idiot.” I whispered.

Just more proof that I don’t have the warrior’s blood in me like the rest of the family line. If one of my ancestors had seen me almost shoot myself in the foot with that crossbow thing, they would have rolled over in their graves. Oh well, at least I can cast a spell that works some of the time. With a sigh of relief, I turned back toward the way I was heading. Damn my back and feet hurt.

Now if I only hadn’t accidentally burned my map, I would be ok. Was there an inn up ahead or a city? I hope whatever it is appears around the next bend, it’s getting late. Let’s see, was it Haljuk Inn or Haljuk City? I ponder for a moment. Knowing my luck, it will be an inn run by cannibals.   

 

 

One hour and 47 minutes later…

“Ok, this is getting old here. When does this miserable forest end? It’s already dark out and yet still no sign of a decent place to set up camp. If there is still no inn or even a small clearing around this bend, I’m setting up camp right in the middle of the road,” I mumbled to myself as I cautiously walk along with my lantern held out to light the path. Just ahead there is yet another bend in the road.

Snap.

I freeze at the sound of something just stepping on a branch to my left, in the forest. Was there something in there or just my imagination?

Snap. Rustle.

“Oh crap,” I silently curse. There is definitely something in there and it’s coming my way. I reach for my long sword sheathed at my side. What the…? The damn sword won’t come out! I try to pull harder while keeping my eyes on the edge of the path for whatever is out there. This isn’t happening! The panic was beginning to hit me like a bucket of wet mushrooms. The sword still won’t come out.

Rustle. Snap. Snap.

 

“This is not happening!” I now clearly say aloud in a full panic. Think, I got to think. The wand! A spell! Of course! I reach for the old wand from inside my coat. Pointing it towards the source of the sounds I start speaking the spell, “Igniteus arrow.” By the gods, I hope I did that right.

Just as I finished speaking the words, three flaming arrows appear. Yes! They then quickly shoot forth just as whatever it was making the noise emerged from the forest into the light. Suddenly just two feet away from me, all three arrows stop and fizzle into nothingness. This is not happening! I am going to be eaten by a monster.

 

 

Just then, a raccoon looked up at me for a quick “What are you looking at?” glare before scurrying past me.

 

A raccoon? It was a stinking raccoon? I have to get out of this damn forest.

 

 

 Five minutes and 33 seconds after the ‘raccoon incident’…

As I finally reach the bend in the road. I stop and look ahead, and to my surprise I see… lights not too far in the distance. “Yes!”  

A few more minutes later and I’m finally out of that forest and in a field instead. The so-called road hasn’t changed a bit. I have been on better hunting paths. I glance around my surroundings as I continue on my way. The moon casts its light, enough for me to see a bit of area. I notice that there seems to be cliffs surrounding the area. I guess that explains the winding downhill part of this path I started on three days ago. I try not to recall the memory of me slipping on the wet ground multiple times and falling and sliding down most of that path.

Just then, something catches my eyes. Just up ahead is a sign, placed at the edge of a road. Well, I might as well see what the sign says.

“Haljuk-East Gate.” with an arrow pointing towards the city.

 

“Tellerain, Jade Caves and Parts South.” with an arrow pointing South. On the arrow is written, “Drago was here!” with a crudely drawn face next to it.

 

“Woodpine Forest Road, The Great Pine and Parts North” with an arrow pointing North. Woodpine Forest Road? Wasn’t I just on that road? 

 

 

I look at the sign again at the arrow pointing the way I just came. “Old Woodpine Scenic Path- The Long Way to Parts North” with an arrow pointing the way I just came. Scenic Path?  Scenic Path?? “Hells no!” I yell.

 

With that realization, I slowly turn towards the city and continue my walk. At least I can sleep in a real bed tonight all nice and dry and safe from raccoons.

 

 

23 minutes later…

As I followed the main road of Haljuk City, trying to keep in the light of the street lanterns as much as possible, a sudden strong gust of wind struck me head on nearly blowing off my hat. A few more steps and I was hit by another longer gust. “Just great.” I muttered knowing a storm was not far off. I tried to remember the directions the gate guard had given me to a inn. “Hogish Ale Tavern and Boarding, not the best in town but it’s one of the most popular.” I recalled the guard saying.

As I turned down the next street in the guards’ directions, the sudden smell of moisture hit me like moldy bread. The inn should be just down this street. With any luck, I’ll get to it before the rain hits. Just then, the rain hit. Of course, it just had to be a cloudburst. “Why me?” I asked myself as the inn came into view.

As I entered the inn, just glancing a look about to get my bearings and scope out the people here. A typical inn assortment. I spotted the innkeeper and paid for my room for the next three nights. I turned towards the stairs and headed to my room. Finally, a real bed to sleep in. Oh, who am I kidding, with my luck the bed will be full of fleas and smell like milk that has gone bad.

 

 

A very old story I wrote way back in 2006.

Story word count: 1237

Word Count: 5870
Hours Spent: 5