magrindell, just a couple of general suggestions.

If you are having trouble manipulating the lights, try parenting your spotlight to an invisible prop and use PointAt on the light with the invisible prop as the target.

Adjusting this invisible target prop keeps things a little less confusing and avoids the "it pointed always to her neck, not to the head" problems.

Scaling the prop moves the light closer or farther without changing the vector to the target, which, as it sounds like you've discovered, is difficult to do just using the translation dials on the light itself.

Also, consider approaching the whole problem from the mindset of "where do I want shadows to fall" rather than "where do I want the light to hit." The former will better suggest the position of the light sources.

...and very cool eyes in no.5 jobcontrol