Forum: Writers


Subject: Prose Challenge - yes it's back - Showing Emotion

Crescent opened this issue on Feb 02, 2003 ยท 25 posts


ChuckEvans posted Fri, 07 February 2003 at 6:48 AM

I offer the following with the appropriate humbleness that should usher in a story like this. And, apologies for stirring a pot of emotions that I should have left simmering on the stove of life. However, the challenge mentioned emotion and this was the first thing to pop into my mind.

The emotional change between version one and two are very subtle. Perhaps, too subtle. All the words are the same. I have bolded two different words and changed four punctuation marks (as well as color) in my effort to show different emotions.

"I'm afraid I just don't have any good news for you..."

The words trailed off into a distant echo as Tessa's gaze left the veterinarian's eyes and focused on Tilly, quietly sleeping in her folded arms.

"It just isn't fair!" The words that escaped her lips were accompanied by a feeling she never intended to be revealed.

The doctor's face showed a bit of surprise at her reaction. He would understand if only he could read her mind. Sure, Tilly had always been just a bedraggled stray cat. Months fending for herself had taken its expected toll. Even after 3 years of comfortable home living, her fur had never smoothed out, making her look like some disheveled ball of fur. What would normally have been the sinuous movement of a member of the cat family was replaced by a limp from some unfortunate accident that never had proper attention. And, there was that chronic ear ailment that required weekly attention. Still, a certain loving bond had developed between Tessa and Tilly. To some degree, both depended on the other. But now that would end. Though Tessa had already guessed the ending, she wasn't prepared for its arrival.

Quietly, she left the building and began walking toward her car. Then, succumbing to the flood of emotions, looked up and spoke.

"You give and You take!" Tears erupted. "Go ahead and take my my best friend now! Go ahead!"

"I'm afraid I just don't have any good news for you..."

The words trailed off into a distant echo as Tessa's gaze left the veterinarian's eyes and focused on Tilly, quietly sleeping in her folded arms.

"It just isn't fair." The words that escaped her lips were accompanied by a feeling she never intended to be revealed.

The doctor's face showed a bit of surprise at her reaction. He would understand if only he could read her mind. Sure, Tilly had always been just a bedraggled stray cat. Months fending for herself had taken its expected toll. Even after 3 years of comfortable home living, her fur had never smoothed out, making her look like some disheveled ball of fur. What would normally have been the sinuous movement of a member of the cat family was replaced by a limp from some unfortunate accident that never had proper attention. And, there was that chronic ear ailment that required weekly attention. Still, a certain loving bond had developed between Tessa and Tilly. To some degree, both depended on the other. But now that would end. Though Tessa had already guessed the ending, she wasn't prepared for its arrival.

Quietly, she left the building and began walking toward her car. Then, succumbing to the flood of emotions, looked up and spoke.

"You give and You take." Tears erupted. "Go ahead and take my my best friend now. Go ahead."