Sorry, but I can't tear it apart. The only line I don't personally think seems ok is oblivious to dry and heat seems a clumsy way to put it, although I can't think of anything to replace it off the top of my head I'm not too keen on using o'er instead of over either, as I always expect to see it in more romantic 'older' styles of poetry, but that is purely a personal taste issue. I'm sure someone will come along and help you with your demo derby soon though wb Shanna :-)