One could get really stark and trim away the redundancies; i.e., what is a space if not empty? Parched sky, Thirsty earth, Refuge sought From the drought, External and internal, Spaces eternal. A soul and its mother cry out for rain. But then it wouldn't be your poem anymore. You need to read the poem out loud and lay it out according to the natural pauses of your voice. That's a good starting place, I've read from poets. I'm not one, obviously. I have no ear. But others do. Apologies for the slaughter of your words.