Crescent opened this issue on Mar 24, 2003 ยท 19 posts
jstro posted Sun, 30 March 2003 at 10:22 AM
Man, I hate voting. OK, I just reread them all to get a better feel for them before voting. I am torn between jgeorge's entry, Shoshanna's third piece, and dialyn's story. Both jgorge and Shoshanna took an unusual approach to the topic, which I found intriguing. Indeed, at first I did not see Shoshanna's entry as a conflict, but upon further reflection realized it is, in more of an abstract sense of the word. (By the way, you succeeded in your experiment, the lack of names worked out just fine.) I also really enjoyed jgeorge's twist on the concept. At first I thought it was simply the conflicted feelings running through Susann'a mind. Not until This is my story... did I realize it was the struggle between writer and story, someplace I've often been. Kudos for a brilliant interpretation of the challenge! I think dialyn did a wonderful job of dialog. It was well written and left the reader with all kinds of interpretations as to just what Adam was up to. For example, I was left wondering if the person he was seeing was a man or a woman. Adam was a lousy liar, but I think most people are when then get caught at it. Good job. I can only vote for one, so this time around I'll vote for dialyn. I did not see much of a conflict in tjames's piece. It was well done, but I missed the conflict. It did have a nice Twilight Zone sort of feel to it. I was not sure where Shoshanna was going with #1. It was pretty funny. :-) You got me with the English English vs. American English (leant). Nothing wrong with it, it just jumped out at me and made me look it up. And the phrase, ...to fold herself down at her mother's feet... was just very vivid. I could visualize what she did, how she moved. Great way to describe that particular movement. I think to improve readability you need to use an extra carriage return to separate your paragraphs. White space can be important. Again, I think white space would help a lot on Shoshanna's second piece. It was a bit hard to read without it. It was a light hearted piece, sort of a spoof, so some of the inconsistencies can be ignored. I got a feeling of watching an old black and white serial from the 1930's with scratchy music in the background, like the Bowery Boys, or The Little Rascals. I think awayne2's piece also suffered from lack of white space. It was a long piece and the way the paragraphs all seem to run together made it hard to read. I just about gagged on the names used, until I realized it was a pun! :-) Well done. This is about the most convoluted pun I've ever seen. However, it needs polishing. There are a lot of typos and sentence fragments that need to be fixed. Good first entry, hope you keep them coming. jon
~jon
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