I thought you said it very well, though I think most native English speakers wouldn't use the phrase "he pulls apart" as you did .... it brings us a vision of coming apart at the seams ("She pulled apart her doll and the stuffing fell out"). We would probably use "he pulls away" or "we pulled apart" (two people pulling away from each other). I'm not sure that's very clear...it's a nuance of meaning that's hard to explain. It's very nice. I'm sure the poets among us will be able to give better advice. I thought you told your story in a simple and moving manner.