jgeorge, I took the liberty of writing out your entry the way that I read it. As you can see, there are very few changes. Anyway, this is how I read it :-) " Susanna opened the suitcase. She quickly glanced around the room, to see what she could take as a souvenir without feeling like a thief. ... " - This doesn't work, you know. I won't leave. - You must leave, you are packing... - I'm packing because YOU are making me do so, but you know as well as I do: it cannot work. - Susanna, dear... - I've got it! You can make me wait a little, so that I can say goodbye to him... It wouldn't seem so unnatural... - You cannot wait: if you meet him again a dialogue will follow, and he'll force you to stay. You must leave now, before he gets back. - But it is not a natural thing for me to go this way... I won't leave. - Susanna! This is my story, the plot requires that you leave! - Of course I'll do whatever you write, but you know as well as I do that my leaving won't fit with the Susanna character YOU created... and you are going for realism, coherency and so on, aren't you? - But this means I have to change the plot, and the final scene, and the whole thing! ... Okay, let's go back to the writing... " Susanna opened the suitcase. She quickly glanced around the room, to see what she could take as a souvenir without feeling like a thief. Her eyes stopped on the little photograph on the closet.(? to me a closet is a cupboard so I assumed you meant a bedside table, or something similar.) She took a deep breath, closed the empty suitcase and put it back under the bed. ..." Obviously I am trying really hard to keep this in your words, not put it into mine. I would not have used the word dialogue, but I left it in because you might have chosen to use it, your character is discussing her author writing dialogue so it is appropriate to your story. I really liked the way your author called her character dear, for me it gave the whole conversation an overtone of fond exasperation coming from the author at her determined little characters rebellion. :-) Anyway, it might not be textbook English, and I wouldn't dare to punctuate it (see above for critique of my stuff lol) but I hope it is helpful feedback :-) Shanna :-)