Sorry, I keep having to hose down the OT Forum. I swear, at this rate, it's going to be a swimming pool! :( dialyn - I have to agree with Chuck - you're a natural at dialogue. I could hear these two people talking to each other as if I was eavesdropping in real life. I think a bit more description and action in some places would top the story off. Because most of the dialogue is short (and it should be), the story seems hurried. Breaking up chunks of dialogue with a longer paragraph with dialogue and a touch of description (or action) would slow it down and give the reader more visual cues to go with the great dialogue. I know, a lot of times it seems like a scene only wants to be dialogue or action, but putting a mix, even if it's 80/20, makes it easier on the reader and more interesting. jgeorge - Your story definitely falls under confrontation. It's a clever little story, and definitely one that we face as writers. (I've read some books that say if the character won't do an action, re-write the character. Others say that the character is trying to tell you something, so you should rework the scene.) Like I told dialyn, I'd suggest a little more description with the dialogue. In your case, it would help the flow and it would make the story a little longer. I wasn't sure whether or not the conflict was ended. Was the writer going to change the scene or was the writer going to force Susanna into the original actions? A few more lines of dialogue would have helped me figure it out. jstro did a great job smoothing out the small language differences, so I won't repeat his work. mysteri - Yes and No. You can keep the actions and dialogue together in one paragraph. You can also break it up if the dialogue starts going in a different direction. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a spoiled teenager with the typical teenage angst," George read from the book. "And when his family was brutally murdered, he ran away from home and embarked upon a saga that would change a galaxy .... "But you said science fiction stories don't sell, so I won't waste your time with this." Note the lack of " marks at the end of the first dialogue block. It indicates that the next block is from the same person. It's not the best example in the world of shifting dialogue, but it's all I can do during my latest sleep deprevation experiment. ;-) Cheers!