Before I get started, I would like to confess, that being new here, I'm not sure if this is what people are looking for when they post here asking for comments. If it isn't, please let me know, and I won't do it again. > No Drugie Here There appear to be no carriage returns in this at all. Was that on purpose? >Mom, I dont do drugs. My voice was shaking and I just wanted to crawl under a rock until time evolved into something else. Very interesting image... perhaps a little too interesting? I kept wondering what time might evolve into, and wondering if perhaps there were some missing words and the narrator was actually hoping that she or her mother would evolve. > My mothers eyes where blood shot and huge. And her face was all red and blotchy. Not to mention the million wrinkles lining her mouth and forehead. I mean they werent really wrinkles, more like bags of skin. Bags of skin lining her mouth and forehead? I'm having trouble picturing that. >She just stood in my doorway looking at me. I had my back against the headboard of my bed in the corner. My knees were brought up my chest, my arms wrapped around them. This is an example of 'passive voice' the knees are not doing, they are being done to. The "How to Write" books I read tell me this is a bad thing to do. I'm not sure that I agree with any "rule" of writing, let alone this one, but some ideas on how one might make the sentence more 'active'... "My arms tightened about my knees cinching them in against my chest", or "My knees pressed tighter against my chest as I wrapped my arms around them," or even, "I had brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them." She had asked me straight out if I did drugs. I was in the middle of watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And I was mortified she would even think of asking me a question like that. Ive never ever touched a single drug in my life. And she thinks now is a good time to ask me. This section strikes me as being rather choppy, maybe on purpose? But the stuff that follows it seems smoother. In fact the rest of it flows quite nicely, making me wonder if it just took you this far in to hit your stride. :) For the rest of it... The situation seems bizarre, and I would like some way to get a handle on it. Why is she horrified and mortified, (and later hysterical), why not astonished, annoyed and curious? Has she any reason to feel threatened? Why would the mother suddenly accuse her in the first place? Why wouldn't the father let her "see" whatever it is she wanted to see? Could your narrator fill us in on some more background, "this was really weird, Mom had never done anything like this before," or "I hoped this wouldn't be another time like when..." I hope this helps you.