Paragraphs are a happy thing. ;-) This is a good start, and the scene itself is believable, but it needs a bit of work. At times, I wondered if this was supposed to be a diary entry because the words tumbled out in a stream-of-consciousness style, but it didn't have the style of a journal entry. Like Sho and lavender, I had to ask, "Why did the mother freak out?" She'd give a reason - it might not be coherent, but the motivation needs to come out, even if the daughter doesn't understand it, the reader needs to. I briefly considered the mother being mentally ill, but there wasn't enough action/reaction in the story to bear it out. Slightly off-topic: As a general rule, doing a copy/paste from Word into a forum post doesn't work that well. You get strange results, like all the ? marks showing up. I always copy/paste into Notepad, then into a forum post. It fixes the Word weirdness. Hope to see more of this, Cres