Um.... I'm just guessing here, but I really would like to know the answers because this bears an uncanny resemblance to most of my writing :-) So, are you putting too many unneccessary details into each thing? I mean things like the whole history of Brenda in a sentence, the complete descriptions of every item of clothing, or the insurance style description of the ring? They don't seem to help the story. The bits describing how the couple talk after every single bit of dialogue seem wrong as well (eg he countered desperately) but I don't know why. Some of the words seem wrong (gotten) Last guess. Are the emotions portrayed just a bit 'over the top' for the story...overwhelming despair etc... Shanna Muppet:-) Watching this thread with interest...I wanna know.