First welcome to the forum, hope to see more of your work.

Ok, just my two cents worth. The first image is good, but the second is much, much better. Its been my opinion that portraits of men, when the intent is to show emotion, are all about texture. And the second brings this out. Also you are following the rule of thirds in the second. In that your eyes are the focus of the image and your eyes are in the upper left third of the image.

The color version would have worked better with a shallower depth of field, to blur the background, and toned down to decrees the highlights, also help to draw attention away from the background. This could have been accomplished with a larger aperture and a slower shutter speed, but at the same time you would have risked completely losing your eyes in shadow. But considering that you were holding the camera, this is good.

In the edited version, if I were to go any further, I would adjust the contrast up just a little to increase the texture, but keep a close eye on your eyes, because they are just about right. And there seems to be a bright speck just above your upper lip. Hit that one time with a clone stamp, put it in a frame, and hang it on your wall.