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Subject: Vagrancy

Charmz opened this issue on May 14, 2003 · 6 posts
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Charmz ( ) posted Wed, 14 May 2003 at 7:45 AM · edited Sat, 30 November 2024 at 5:19 AM

Dissonance; your words mean nothing, only noises that you make in vain attempt to placate and mislead. Resonance; the echo seemingly eternally along the void where once dwelt happiness and love. Permanence, that thing you promised but could/would not deliver i have found within myself. Distance, all that remains between me and thee after everything has been said and done.

Charmz ( ) posted Wed, 14 May 2003 at 7:47 AM

aaack! just realized that there is a huge difference in some of the punctuation.. and i really, really did look it over before I posted... sigh.. next time for sure.

Shoshanna ( ) posted Wed, 14 May 2003 at 6:03 PM

I don't know about the punctuation (on account of being allergic to it) but the way you use words is......charming. Shanna :-) ps. same goes for the other poem you posted "But is she really descrbing a house.


Azha ( ) posted Wed, 14 May 2003 at 8:00 PM

this is a wonderful answer poem, thanks for sharing it with us charmz...great title too

"Every line means something."
Jean Michel Basquiat

Crescent ( ) posted Fri, 16 May 2003 at 9:03 PM

I really like this one. It hit me from the first word and didn't let up. On line 4, I'd change it to: attempting to placate and mislead. It makes more sense that way. I know it would ruin the structure you've set up, but I wish the last few lines were structured differently: Distance, all that remains between me and thee After everything has been said and done. Maybe a comma? Distance, all that remains between me and thee, after everything has been said and done. Or you could deliberately wreck the structure in the last stanza since you are talking about distance: Distance, all that remains between me and thee After everything has been said and done. The one punctuation thang - that dratted semi-colon snuck back in! Use commas or semi-colons after dissonance, resonance, etc. Very good job on this one!

Charmz ( ) posted Sat, 17 May 2003 at 7:38 AM

I also just realized a spelling error, in line 7 eternally should have read.. and now reads, eternal. Thanks very much for all the comments! Dissonance; your words mean nothing, only noises that you make in vain attempt to placate and mislead. Resonance; the echo seemingly eternal along the void where once dwelt happiness and love. Permanence; that thing you promised but could/would not deliver i have found within myself. Distance; all that remains between me and thee, after everything has been said and done. I believe that I am pleased with this one now!

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