I think this was a wonderful story concept and well done. I also think the longer version tells a better story, but you did a great job of cutting it down to size. There is some weird stuff going on with your word wrap, and you tend to do ellipses without a following space or punctuation mark, but those are trifles. The dreams were well done. The whole concept was great. jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.