Very well done. There's some run-on sentences which get a bit confusing, but there's a good balance of action and description to keep the reader going. Sample run-on: *Eicha wasnt actually reading it, a collection of interface cable hung from her head and snaked their way to an interface box in the ceiling, a connection cable dropped into the back of the computer system, the text was being transmitted directly into her brain, no reading, just instant translation from digital information to biological storage, virtually realtime comprehension.* Here's my suggestion on the first one: Eicha wasnt actually reading it. A collection of interface cables hung from her head and snaked their way to an interface box in the ceiling while a connection cable dropped into the back of the computer system. The text was being transmitted directly into her brain: no reading, just instant translation from digital information to biological storage, virtually realtime comprehension. On the pictoral side, good job with lighting, though I'm not fond of the motion blur on picture one. Cheers!