Great opening line. (And being a Buffy fan, I couldn't help but smirk at the Buffy references, either.) You do a good job at keeping to the point-of-view, though I think Mark is a bit too detached at some points, slightly drunk or not. A little more description and emotion at the attack and possible death of his friend would seem appropriate to me. Once Mark saves Jeremy, the story stumbles into a big block of explanation. Would Jeremy casually tell Mark all of this right away? Why explain everything about the group that they're hunting? Why is Mark taking it so calmly, semi-drunm or not? He likes to remark on things, but he's rather accepting of this sudden reality check. The story is off to a great start, but you're giving too much away too quickly. (It's one of my biggest pitfalls, too.) Give Mark, and us, time to absorb what's going on before landing another big chunk of explanation in our laps. It also gives you more of a chance to surprise us without making it seem like you've deceived us. I'm definitely looking forward to reading the next part. Cheers!