Hello everyone! Bearing in mind You comments, I stopped playing with html, as I'm rather hopeless at it and typed the second chapter in the 'old way'. It is clear to read now. Should I re-post the first chapter in that way, or are You fine with that? Any comments or questions, feel free to post them! I'm writing this story in my native language at the same time and I want to know if it's interesting enough... I'm a kind of 'professional writer' if I might say that, I already had a short story and a novel published... But it was in Poland and in Polish. I'm not used to writing in English, although it's a quite interesting experience...

Here's the links to the stories: Borderline 1 http://www.renderosity.com/viewed.ez?galleryid=473358 Borderline 2 http://www.renderosity.com/viewed.ez?galleryid=473920 To me, Borderline 1 isn't that unreadable, just slightly annoying with the strange line breaks. I'll go through them tonight for critiquing. Cheers!

I'm so sorry I didn't get to this sooner! Reality snuck up on me and I haven't been on much the last few days. :( Your story definitely fit the most important criteria - it was interesting. You also do a very good job putting in necessary details without hitting us with tons of information in large blocks. There's a few places where it's obvious English isn't your first language, but overall the syntax, grammar, etc. are just fine. (My impression was that you were getting tired at a few points and the words didn't get all the way to proper English - not a big deal. Your English is excellent.) The first part is a bit choppy - you switch from Daniel to Ranie in the middle of the scene and it doesn't add much to the scene. Personally, I'd suggest staying with Daniel in the first scene. Part II develops Ranie well, but with Daniel only getting half of Part I, I don't have a good feel for his personality yet. You can always physically describe Daniel in Part II when Ranie sees him at her apartment, perhaps Ranie thinking about what her mother would notice while looking him up and down. Looking forward to Part III, Cres