I'm so sorry I didn't get to this sooner! Reality snuck up on me and I haven't been on much the last few days. :( Your story definitely fit the most important criteria - it was interesting. You also do a very good job putting in necessary details without hitting us with tons of information in large blocks. There's a few places where it's obvious English isn't your first language, but overall the syntax, grammar, etc. are just fine. (My impression was that you were getting tired at a few points and the words didn't get all the way to proper English - not a big deal. Your English is excellent.) The first part is a bit choppy - you switch from Daniel to Ranie in the middle of the scene and it doesn't add much to the scene. Personally, I'd suggest staying with Daniel in the first scene. Part II develops Ranie well, but with Daniel only getting half of Part I, I don't have a good feel for his personality yet. You can always physically describe Daniel in Part II when Ranie sees him at her apartment, perhaps Ranie thinking about what her mother would notice while looking him up and down. Looking forward to Part III, Cres