This guy was walking along the beach in LA one morning when he tripped over something in the sand. On investigation he discovered an old fashioned lantern and, just for the hell of it, gave it a bit of a polish with his shirt-sleeve. Wouldn't you know it, out of the lamp pops a genie.... 'Woah! That's better!' sez the genie,looking at the guy holding his lamp. 'Tell ya what, Dude! You got me outa the lamp so I'm gonna grant you ONE wish.' The guy thinks for a bit and then says, 'I want to be able to drive from LA to Hawaii. Can you build me a highway across the ocean?' The genie is not impressed. 'Are you nuts? Think about it! All that concrete, all that tarmac, I gotta sink the piles thousands of feet down to reach the ocean floor...then there's street lighting, paint for the road markings...it's gonna take forever, dude! Why don't ya think of something else?' The guy holding the lamp scratches his head and then says, 'OK. Tell you what, I want to know everything there is to know about women, how they think, what makes them tick, why they do and say what they do and say, all that kinda stuff.' The Genie scratches HIS head and says, 'OK! So how many lanes do you want on this highway.......?'

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All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...