I'm really sorry to hear that Dear.. What kind of answers are you looking for?.. on one hand, That kinds of things happen.. animals that are ills, car problems, etc.. on the other hand (and it's only my opinion) I believe that things happen in correlation to our mood, I mean, If you are afraid that something bad happen.. there is a lot of change that it happen, you said that you get up in the morning with the fear that something has happened, Try to believe, really believe that something good is gonna happen very soon, and it will! don't loose the faith (whatever your beliefs are) you and only you got the power to make your life what you want it to be... so don't let the fear and anger eat your mind, you want that crap to end? Ok ask for what you need, but with a real conscious, I mean don't hope that it will get better.. but Believe that it will get better, really believe and it will happen. very soon, I promise! ( it has worked for me when I went through very very hard times ) so it must work for you. Warm regards (sorry to dare putting that in words with my poor language)