There isn't much more that I can add to what has already been said, J, except for a couple little things. First, that which can not kill you, can only mnake you stronger. There is very little in this world that can kill the human spirit and perseverance. Second, in my line of work (i'm a cop in the NYC metro area) I have seen people at their best and at their worst and then there is something lower than that. Those are the people that just give up and stop trying. I have seen someone killed for 5 dollars. I have seen family beat the living sh!t our of each other because of a shirt. I have seen the darkest side of human nature there is, but I refuse to let the darkness get me down. My best friend of 14 years screwed me over because of a girl a couple of months ago. The darkness was getting to me for a couple of weeks, until I met my current girlfriend. Now, we laugh hystericaly every day. Something I hadn't done in a quite a while. So as some of our friends above me have stated, things happen for a reason. As far as what you stated in your last sentence...well...that's bullsh!t. That's a cowards way out. That's for the weak minded and the timid. I've seen that enough times and know the stories behind them to be able to say that with authority. Look at the art that you have created and shared with us here. It takes a creative mind full of life to that. Your ship will come in. It just takes a little bit of luck and patience, Babe. As Rod said, you wake up every morning. In that, you've won the day. John

Because I like to blow $%&# up.

Don't fear the night.  Fear what hunts at night.