My dear sweet Zhann, I'm so sorry to hear that your problems and heartaches continue to pile. I really dont know how to answer your question. Or even if your question warrants an answer. I mean, I know there are countless times when we ask the rhetorical question, why? We really dont expect to get an answer, but just to be able to ask the question reminds us just how delicate we can be and how hard life can sometimes make it for us. Weve all been there, some more than others. We need only to look at a fellow human being to see that we are not alone, that we all have our share of problems. Even here as I read these posts I realize that we all share in this humanity. For some months now Ive been going through some pretty turbulent and troublesome times of my own. A few months ago, I lost my one and only youngest brother. He was the closest and most cherished person in my life. On the same day of his death I was diagnosed with an ailment which has prompted chemo therapy which brings along with it many other nasty side affects and for now, Im home on disability, feeling beat, anemic and tired and to top it all off, a legal battle makes its presence known on the horizon for my brothers death benefit which has not allowed for a moments peace especially since we have not had sufficient time to morn my brothers death. I come here and I realize that my problems are few compared to others. In another board I frequent, a young family mourns the lost of their baby daughter and I cant fathom their grieve. How difficult that must be to have to put to rest your baby child. How lucky am I? This week as I saw no sun on my horizon a blood test comes back negative suggesting that the illness no longer resides in my body. I quick chat with my doctor foreshadows the possibility of a relapse, dashing some but not all hope and the continuation of my treatment. Why? Why me? I hear you, as I hear all the others. Sometimes, I think, our steel must be tested. How much can we and must we endure before we decide to fold it up? Not as long as there is hope. Hope that tomorrow will bring a better day with it. That things will start to happen, that will bring so much joy with it, that our todays will dissolve into memories. The sort of happiness that will make you stop and ask, what was I thinking then? Hugs! Angelo