Left out one of my favorite comedians: "Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times." "I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine." "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." "I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight." "I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso." "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." "In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." "My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head." "My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." -Rita Rudner