I am a Dragon. I was born in the year of the Dragon. I follow the Dragon. Dragons do not eat Apples. Apples to me are no noble cause. The only way a dragon would eat an apple is if it was inside the stomach of some hapless schmoe. If the Earth was as beautiful as an apple, I would eat it. The whole thing, in one bite. All of this is a metaphor for how cool I am, how cool dragons are in general, and how much other people who are dragon-like totally rule. Also, a metaphor detailing how silly and powerless a piece of fruit would be in the face of such an onslaught would be. Dragons do not eat apples, NOT because apples would harm them, but because they do not have enough calories. Bah!