Visual comments: Maybe a little more, as was mentioned in the first page, to establish indoors location. As a comic, perhaps a few touches of brighter color here and there, unless a more neutral atmosphere is what you wanted. If that's supposed to be a secretary, or reception desk in the second page, it seems too bare. No phones,papers, pens etc., maybe even a small plant, what you might call set dressing. Set dressing can add a lot to mood or locations. That could go for any scene. I used to do a bit of stage managing at one time, too. I applaud you for your ambitious undertaking, though. It's coming along nicely.