Wow, someone learning from me - that's a great compliment thanks! (I'm new to writing stories) I see what you mean about making the paragraphs shorter, I did think about it when I was writing, but the idea at the beginning was that he was waiting. And Dialyn...the idea of that part of the story was it was the guy's thoughts at the time, he wasn't thinking straight. I think you've twisted my words a little (I think you'd be aware it was a gun's bullet that went through her mouth), it was meant to be an unhappy visual - but I do take your point and see what you mean! Obviously it's easier for me to see what I want to mean and perhaps it's hard to look past that sometimes so someone elses input is always useful. :o)