Attached Link: http://www.renderosity.com/gallery.ez?ByArtist=Yes&Artist=Deimos

I wrote this a while ago it's actually 3 different works put together in an animation. The first text goes with animation, of Ilestra who will be the main character even though the story was supposed to happened centuries ago. I want the viewer to know it's supposed to be in the past but I want the viewer brought into the story so to speak. I know in writing your supposed to stay in one tense, as such I am trying to figure out how I want to approach this. The first text is the past but is also where the story is headed. The second part is where the story is and where the animated story, and the game begins. Is it fine as is, with one voice? Or is it fine as is with two voices? Maybe an older male for the first text and a younger male or female for the narration? Or does it need more reworking than that, In your opinions? Thanks, Martin / Deimos -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was the fourth age, the age of man, when our books of lore first record the legends of Ilestra. She was mother to the second line of the Eldar; And one of the greatest heroes of the Killrana wars. Some believe she still watches over us and that her children still walk among us. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Outside the Kingdom's Capital is an ancient Tower; for centuries the King's Chief Councilors and Arch Mages have resided in this Tower. Legend says the Tower existed here before man came to this land's shores. It has been five years since the Great War and the Arch Mage Valester has used the assassination of Lord Balador to have the King disband the knight-hood of the Lance, the King's elite knights. Bal-Mandrin, a bardic knight and a master of the Knight of the Lance, poses as an apprentice mage to Valester. His espionage has provided him with scrolls that implicate Valester of supporting the Renegade Lord Farenil who is a usurper. While spying on Lord Valester Bal-Mandrin finds that in one of Valester's private libraries there is a book that when moved opens a hidden passage. The Temple fires had been lit; this time not summon the people of the town for worship, but to warn them and the out lying lands that an army was marching towards the town of Wakenhood . Would be heroes prepared through out the near by lands for the upcoming engagement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't get the connection between the hidden paggage and the lit fires of the would be heroes gathered to defend the area against the approaching army. Where does the hidden passage go? I'm guessing that the people have gathered because they have been warned Bal-Mandrin. I think you have three pieces here. If they are animations then you can have the same voice. More than one voice is an unnecessary complication.

Your correct it is three different pieces. It may be pooly put together but I think the animation would help if you saw it. Thanks for your input and advice. Martin

I think it would work better as three scenes of an animation with cuts in between them. On paper you should show the second cut as well. The second and third parts need a cut in between. It's also not clear how Ilestra and her children fit into this story. That should probably be added to the second or third part.

I can't address the rest of it, because it's not my area of experties but....this ...I know in writing your supposed to stay in one tense, as such I am trying to figure out how I want to approach this.... isn't a hard and fast rule. There should be a consistency of use of the tense, but writers often change tenses to indicate that someone is reflecting back on a past occurance, or is speculating in the present on something that happened, or is even forecasting the future.

Thanks for your replies I appreciate them. Martin