I'd have to say that I prefer the longer one. The beginning, at least, seemed clearer. Getting a story to fit into length constraints is a skill of great editors probably more so than writers. Both versions were good. The story flowed, Nothing seemed implausible, no mounds of steaming bathos and no distracting mispellings or forgotton words. If there were grammar problems in there, I didn't catch them (not that good grammar is my specialty). Just for my own curiosity where does the word/phrase "sh xin" come from? Is this actual chinese or a word of your own device?