Forum Moderators: wheatpenny, Wolfenshire
Writers F.A.Q (Last Updated: 2024 Nov 29 6:28 am)
Great story. I read this when it was posted and since then the story has popped back into mind a couple of times. It reminds me of some of the latin american surrealists which are some of my favorites. It is a great little story which should be published somewhere, but before you mail it off there are three things I would correct. 1. People in the middle of having their throat slashed are usually incapable of performing curses. Even if they can get air through, they are usually focused on their own struggle for survival. Have her do the curse and then let father kill her. 2. "I'm sure she would have survived the trip if she hadn't use even the last drop on me... I wish I could have died instead of her..." "use even" should be replaced by "used". 3. "I just should lay on the ground and become a part of the desert..." "just should" should be replaced by "should just". Good luck with it, Alan
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"In the end, it was true...
I can remember it as if it was yesterday... I was four when that old woman yelled obscenities at my mom, saying that one day I was going to be as dry as the desert we were trying to cross then... she threw some sand on me, and then spit blood on my face... before she could do anything else, my dad finished slashing her throat with his knife, just like he had done with her husband a few moments before...
Mom washed my face with the little water we had left... why did she do that? did she really believe in that woman's words?? She could have saved it!... I'm sure she would have survived the trip if she hadn't use even the last drop on me... I wish I could have died instead of her...
20 years... who would have thought the curse would take 20 whole years before taking effect... I don't know how longer my dad will be able to keep bringing me food and water... he's old now, he can't be making the trip through this desert every month! That truck of his will not be able to stand the heat much longer either... I just should lay on the ground and become a part of the desert... I don't belong anywhere, either way!... it wouldn't be much of a difference... I'm already a part of it..."
Message edited on: 06/07/2004 06:12