I agree with Vicky that anybody who abuses anyone here, via IM or email, should be banned. Period. Nobody should have to go through that. It really should be a done deal, and not up for discussion.

Secondly, nobody should be scolded for expressing their feelings, which is why I got into a pissing match with a friend of Arend's---even though I understand and respect a friend's loyalty.

Finally, I am not sure, Carol, if you meant by a friend "turning on you" that they harass you, or if you simply meant they don't vote for your work. I certainly don't gauge my friendships that way. I would hope that people make that important distinction between honest critiquing of art and friendship, 'cuz they is two different planets. The friends that are nearest and dearest to me tell me when my work is sh*t, and I love them all the more for it.

If it was the latter, then it's probably safe to assume that more than one person (you) feels as you do--that you believe that a friend failing to vote for your work is tantamount to betraying a friendship. Even though I personally don't operate that way, I fully understand it and the hurt feelings that ensue. I am also not so sure if there is any "cure" for it, especially on a site like this.

An example you might relate to: I run a very busy discussion board. My dear friend moderates it for me. There are people in our overall community that I loathe, that she pals up to......and visa-versa. I can't tell you how many arguments and discussions we've had, and hurt feelings, because she "posts to" so-and-so, or I said a friendly word to so-and-so. We both, at various times, have felt it was a personal betrayal of the friendship. Through time and lots of discussion, we were able to draw up rules and boundaries for this kind of thing that we both felt comfortable with so we wouldn't have to hurt over this stuff again. The same thing may hold true for art voting here, that some kind of honest discussion with one's friends may be called for, if the relationship is real and truly important to you.

I hope everything works out for the best, and certainly hope that nobody ever has to be abused for the act of creating art.

Mindy