ROTFLMAO!!!!!! My sides are hurting and I'm crying with laughter. To add to this lot, but these are all way better than mine, I remember the first time I ever flew. I was flying from JFK (NY) to Gatwick (London) The landing was pretty scary for a guy who had never flown before. Just as I thought we had touched down, all hell broke loose! As we ground to a halt the Captain apologised, saying, "Sorry about the bumpy landing, but we decided to let the automatic pilot have a bash!"......

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All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...