Gosh Rayraz, sounds really bad. Sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend when I was 22 and really never recovered because nothing can replace a really good, loyal and trustworthy friend, its not an easy thing to deal with. Keep your goals in focus, theyre important so dont loss sight of them. Sounds like youre isolating yourself, not a good thing to do when youre going through so much by yourself. So do consider a counselor, they help to put things in perspective from a totally objective stand. Its okay to take time to reflect on your environment but dont get obsessed with it, dont dwell on it, let things go and learn to nurture your inner self, theres nothing wrong with that. Hope you start healing soon. Just give a shout whenever it pleases you, Im sure someone will touch base with you.