Rayraz, nothing can replace the loss of a dear friend and you will undoubtably shed tears from time to time throughout your life for their loss, but as has been said you are young, talented, and have many paths to walk, so don't give up hope of finding peace and happiness. As I've said before we could exchange phone numbers if you like and have a natter on anything you fancy. We're not that far away from each other, oh you European brother you, and that way if you need to talk I'd always be at the other end of a phone and it costs me nothing to phone Holland. IM me if you'd like to talk. 8) Catlin