Q. What are you looking for? A. I lost a contact lens. Q. Where did you lose it? A. In the living room. Q. Then why are looking for it in the kitchen? A. The light is so much better in here.

This is not my "second childhood". I'm not finished with the first one yet.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus." - Jack Handy