This is an important announcement for all Renderosity members participating in Poser 6-related threads. In order to get through the P6 release smoothly and in a controlled manner, we request all members to obey the following guidelines:

• Form your opinion now, based on "things you heard" and screenshots. Please try to be as biased and uninformed as possible.
• Don't change your opinion, ever. If you should be proven wrong, insult other people and support your wrong opinion by made-up facts and rumors you heard from someone "in the know".
• After a P6 thread has reached 10 posts, it's mandatory to start flaming. Beginners may flame anonymous companies like Curious Labs, DAZ, Microsoft or Apple. However, personal attacks are preferred and should be natural behaviour for long-time members.
• Ignore spelling: Strong opinions don't need orthography. ALL CAPITALS and exclamation marks will support your POINT!!!!11

Here's what you should do if you decide for hating Poser 6 before the program comes out:

• Anyone who likes it is an idiot.
• You hate the program because it doesn't do "X": X is an exotic feature from a program at least 5 times as expensive, especially exotic programs. Example: "Poser sux, it doesn't support SideFX Houdini's Mantra render engine's shader language."
• Complain about shoddy programming, even though all you have seen are a few screenshots and you think BASIC and C++ are hip sneaker brands. Your highly trained eye can tell from a screenshot that they are still using Windows 1.0 code.
• You don't even know what feature xyz is or does, but DAZ|Studio will do it a lot better. Once it's out of beta. And runs with your graphics card. And the plugin for that feature is out.
• It's not Bryce.
• It's not Cinema4D.
• There's no "make art button".
• It's not like that image you have seen on that web page where that guy does really cool nekkit women in 3D.
• Don't buy Poser 6. All your complaints must be based on things you heard.
• It's too expensive where you live. Depending on how the exchange rate from USD to your currency is, calculate with or without sales and import tax, shipping and use outdated exchange rates.

After the program came out, you can either continue like before or purchase the program. Then you are requried to follow these easy steps:

• If it took longer than 1 day to ship, complain that it took forever.
• Before installing Poser 6, install a new graphics card, Bonzy Buddy, Kazaa, 15 system enhancers and double click every email attachment you received in the last 3 weeks. You may also delete 15 random files from your Windows directory. This is to ensure that all crashes can be traced back to Poser 6, because your overclocked selfmade PC ran perfectly stable before.
• If you can't figure out a feature in three clicks, it's buggy.
• If the manual has less color images than a Marvel cartoon, it's incomprehensive.
• If anything goes wrong, post a new thread in every web forum you know. That includes friendster, craigslist and political discussion boards. Do that before you call tech support or read the manual.
• Load 15 V3, fully clothed with hair and 6000x6000 textures on your PentiumII 400 with 64MB RAM. Complain that rendering is slow (=takes longer than two minutes).
• If the new figures are not V3 and M3, they are ugly.
• If the new figures are V3 and M3, you have been betrayed because you own them already.
• If at least one button has been introduced, they changed the UI so that you're confused and it completely sucks. They should leave the UI as it was in Poser 4.
• That Metacreations UI sucks and they should really change it.
• If you're on a Mac, tell everyone how Windows-like it is and that you hate it.
• If you're on Windows, tell everyone how Mac-like it is and that you hate it.
• If you're on Linux, you hate it because it doesn't run on Linux.
• Run it in 640x480 and complain about a cluttered UI.
• You hate rooms, you want everything on one screen.

If you should decide you like Poser 6, you won't be posting anyway. You'll be busy posing instead.

Warez doodz are from now on required to ask where to download Poser 6. Requests for previous versions will be ingored from now on and will not receive any "kilroy was here" or "buy my stuff" answers. The may not even get locked.

By following these simple rules, it will be ensured that the Poser 6 release will happen in a true friendly and cooperative Renderosity community spirit. Thanks for your attention.

LOL I havn't laughed so much for a long time.

Nicely done. ;)

Oh, ROFLMAO :) :) :) :) ...and my fave bit: Before installing Poser 6, install a new graphics card, Bonzy Buddy, Kazaa, 15 system enhancers and double click every email attachment you received in the last 3 weeks. You may also delete 15 random files from your Windows directory. This is to ensure that all crashes can be traced back to Poser 6, because your overclocked selfmade PC ran perfectly stable before. ...anyone who can't identify with that comment just a teeeeeny bit with some software at somepoint, is a big fat liar :) :) :)

:D Funniest thing I've read on here for a long time.

[fill-in-the-blank], is that you?

• studies post carefully *

No, I guess not. He would have spelled "nekkit" with a "d".

• walks away chuckling *

LOL! If the dolts can't be bothered to read the simple short readme with 4.1, how do we ever expect them to read the manual? Or even check the specs before buying? People who desperately need MAT files to change eye color from green to blue will have a problem with an entire room full of material nodes and no "make texture" button. Pity. And as soon as they encounter a dynamic dress which doesn't conform, they'll be throwing fits instead of fitting it. I confess that I still use DOS, there are some things it does quite well, and there is a shortage of viruses attacking it... however, I wouldn't expect to run a decent 3d modeling or rendering program in it! But there are people who will certainly blame CL for not supporting their legacy systems. Carolly

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! ;; God that was funny. "It's not Cinema4D." Wonder who that's aimed at? ^-

Now =that= is a keeper....

-ohh universal_scapegoat forgot : Flame everyone who ask for your help who isn't as smart as you think you are.

you missed one "As soon as the hype machine gets rolling, create as many fake (clone) accounts as possible. Use these to attack the opposition using any excuse, real or imagined (extra credit for preemptive attacks). If no one bites you have the option to create a SECOND clone account & argue with yourself" :-)

Bravo!

:)

LOL! :)

:D

nicely done... Standing ovation!

LOL, excellent!

To my surprise, I was informed that there are approximately 5 persons on this board that are expected to like Poser 6 and intend to spend their precious time posting here instead of actually creating images for their empty galleries, bragging with their shiny P6 box or changing their baby's diapers. Which is why I am reuquired to post additional guidelines for P6 lovers.

So, you have decided to love Poser 6? Well, it's not that easy to join this elitist club. It is actually required that you were born with in-depth knowledge of every feature, were a beta tester, slept with a CL employee (making out doesn't count) or acutally wrote that thing yourself. If you ever thought being pro Poser 6 is being the devil's advocate, you're wrong. It's a very easy and glamorous life, since you can show off in every post how supreirour you and your computer are. Here's how to proceed:

• In every "I have a problem with P6"-thread, post a quick note that it works just fine for you. Note that you don't need to actually read the thread.
• It's obvious that there are no bugs in P6. Everything that goes wrong is clearly a PEBKAC*. If the others were as smart as you, they wouldn't have problems.
• When providing help, post screenshots from you 30" display that are 2048x1600 pixels. Everyone should have a screen this big.
• You spent two days reading a Japanese web site to figure out feature xyz you expect everyone to invest at least the same effort before posting at all.
• It's not a bug, it's a feature. Example: "It crashes when you hit render? That's a very useful function, it's the speed exit to bypass the 'do you want to save your work' dialog."
• Point out any interpunctation and spelling errors in other people's posts. This shows how smart you are and frees you from the burden of understanding what others are trying to say.
• Explain to people that they are not supposed to what they're doing. Quote an important application or production that did not do that either. Example: "Raytracing? Pixar didn't use raytracing for Toy Story, so why should you?". Ignore the fact that your references are from a completely different context and decade.
• Be quick and precise. Phrases like "please", "thanks", "here you are", "hope this helps" or "I can relate to your frustration" only decrease your efficiency.
• If Poser 6 can do one thing that application X can't do, it's entirely superior to application X. Besides, application X is too expensive and you never liked its UI.
• There is no such thing as slow renders. The person that complains about it should optimize their system, get an up-to-date computer and was too stupid to figure out that he/she should have used a bucket size of 37 instead of 36. Duh.

*PEBKAC = problem exists between keyboard and chair. Using cryptic acronyms and technical terms will emphasize your superiour appearance.

Following these easy steps will earn you eternal gratitude of other board members and turn you into a Poser guru. Other forum members are supposed to give you their first born and tremble in fear when you post another "it works for me" comment.

Fascinating how history repeats itself. We now have "members" who don't even show up on a membership search posting guidelines...

PEBKAC aka EMD = External Mouse Driver. :)

After a long night at work this gave me a great laugh. Thanks for that ... whoever you are!!!

Stick around, you words could be usefull and a great reminder to some ppl her at ROS :-)

cleans screen 'nuff said ;) Thank you for a gorgeous laugh!

This has got to be the absolute STUPIDEST thread I've ever read here. I love it 8-)

Dont forget Us members of "Royalty"
who already own Lightwave, MAX and or Cinema4DXL
who will will watch the proceedings with
mild amusement from atop MT Olympus.

Occasionaly Dropping in to "remind" the "commoners"
That:

A) we have had that feature in our app for years now

B) We are so glad that we are not "stuck" doing Final renders in poser
and just use as poser a gateway to get DAZ figures into our "real" Program

Message edited on: 02/18/2005 06:34

.......and then complain bitterly that the $180 poser import plugins from "reis studio" and elsewhere Dont work with poser6 ;-)

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

but but but Poser6 works perfectly for me, I've been using it since it was announced on my pentium 17 300Ghz with 300Gb of Ram & a 10000Gb harddrive.

"It's not a bug, it's a feature. Example: "It crashes when you hit render? That's a very useful function, it's the speed exit to bypass the 'do you want to save your work' dialog."" LOL!

ROLFMAO!!!! That is absolutely perfect & correct!

<u>Ironbear wrote</u> - Fascinating how history repeats itself. We now have "members" who don't even show up on a membership search posting guidelines...

Yeah, universal_scapegoat doesn't show in the members list. Wonder how he/she managed that? I can't imagine, unless it's the clone account of a R'osity admin...

Posting while not being a member would have its advantages - you could honestly say that you had never signed anything saying you'd abide by the TOS lol. Funny stuff nonetheless.

Why did I have a strange deja-vu feeling when I read this? ;)

Brilliant stuff, obviously written by someone who knows what they're talking about and who's been around here a while. No matter what Poser 6 is like, so many of these guidelines will be undoubtedly be put into effect. :) SnowS

Don't care who he/she is. More important, it's funny, but scary too. It's too realistic... When you think about it, there'll always be people stupid enough to do things described here. OT: Sorry for my crappy English, it's 6 p.m here and I didn't sleep last night at all. Rendering EmoGuy is too much fun ^.^

Point out any interpunctation and spelling errors in other people's posts. This shows how smart you are and frees you from the burden of understanding what others are trying to say.

Don't forget the converse:

Whenever someone points out your errors to you, be sure to accuse them of being anal retentive. In this way, you can avoid admitting that you are wrong about something.

BTW - I can relate to the frustration..........

ROFL!!! Great post! Thanks for the laugh! :D

Why did I have a strange deja-vu feeling when I read this? ;)

Just a repressed memory clawing its way to the surface. Nothing to worry about.

• closes inner eyelids, holds up flashy-thingy *

Look into the red light, please.

FOOMPH

LD: Did you just flashy thing me? Hey! You ever flashy thing me before?

So, you have decided to love Poser 6? Well, it's not that easy to join this elitist club. It is actually required that you were born with in-depth knowledge of every feature, were a beta tester, slept with a CL employee (making out doesn't count) or acutally wrote that thing yourself. If you ever thought being pro Poser 6 is being the devil's advocate, you're wrong. It's a very easy and glamorous life, since you can show off in every post how supreirour you and your computer are. Couldn't have said this better myself. Especially the top part. ;) Message edited on: 02/18/2005 20:16

LD: Did you just flashy thing me?

No.

Hey! You ever flashy thing me before?

I'm sure you'd remember if I did ....

So, you have decided to love Poser 6? Well, it's not that easy to join this elitist club.

You know what? You're right.

If being an optimist makes one an elitist, then one would suppose that a number of us fall into the category of "elitist".

It's a very easy and glamorous life, since you can show off in every post how supreirour you and your computer are.

No.....it's completely unnecessary to do this in order to prove that one is "above the fray" -- and therefore "supreirour" [[just being anal retentive ;-)]] to us mere mortals below.

All that one has to do in order to assert one's superiority is to gain access through means of the back door. I.E. -- look down upon those who choose to view matters in a positive way -- as opposed to endless whining.

Expressing negative thinking proves that one is a really cool dude.

It's a very easy and glamorous life*

This, too, is true.

Being condescending is always a very easy thing for one to do.

It proves that one possesses unfailing superiority.

What is "interpunctation?"

You are right. It should be "inter-punctuation". (running giggling away from the guys in white jackets)

ROFLMAO! thanks for the laugh! :P