The girl's movement is a little better in this version than the last. I still think there's lots of room to improve that behind the neck shot, and the shot of her in the cockpit is way too stiff. The camera is shaking, but she's sitting as still as a statue. She needs at least some subtle movement there.

I see you've decided not to add that shockwave thing to this version. I still say that's a mistake, because it takes away from the drama of such a great explosion. On the same note, her means to "escape" is somewhat suspect. Even if the ship was right there behind her, there's no way she would have escaped, because the building she's standing on would have been destroyed immediately. In fact, in the overhead shot of her ship flying away, you see that the building, along with about 10 city blocks, has already been completely engulfed by the smoke and dust cloud. I realize you're asking people to suspend their disbelief at this point, but I think this causes some serious continuity problems, especially since you intend to sell this to a market that will undoubtedly pick up on it. The sci-fi/anime crowd is VERY perceptive.

Anyway, I don't mean to just bash it. I think you did some really impressive work here so far, but unless you improve on the continuity and believability of your scenes very soon, I'm afraid you'll have a hard time selling this in the already-overflowing market you have chosen. The sci-fi market is a REALLY competitive one, even for low-budget niche stuff. The level of work being done there, even by very small companies, is extremely high in most cases. Your stuff might hold it's own against some of it, but you have to raise the bar if you want to make money. Especially in Japan, they take this kind of stuff VERY seriously. You'd be shocked at just how serious they are about animation over there.

I think you do some fine work, which is why I'm being hyper critical. Keep improving. Good luck!

Message edited on: 11/29/2005 01:19