Friday, March 17, 2006 9:42 PM Pacific Time

My dear friends at Renderosity,

I wish to say a very special thank you to Kort for having started this tread in the forum and the many wonderful responses from you all. It certainly has made the week and more for me. The many great pictures along with your thoughtful words have brought me truly to tears as they have also warmed my spirits in this very cold winter.

Some of you also wrote e-mails and instant messages, expressing your support and understanding for my absence here. A few of you know the reason why and therefore have a better understanding. Please let me share with you the last eight weeks, for you may know someone else, a parent, a loved one, a friend, or even yourself at some point n the future may experience open heart surgery.

We all have heard the expression life is short or life is precious and I for one can attest to that, for had I not gone to the hospital on Friday, January 13, my family would be mourning their loss.

Since the release from the hospital, I was briefly re-admitted because of complications. recovery was originally estimated at 8-10 weeks and now 15 weeks. Though we are all happy with the medical recovery and healing of the 7 scares, I did face some road block.

I was told that patients who undergo heart surgery will be confronted with depression. No one really knows why. Unfortunately, I have been in it for the last 8 weeks. I sleep a lot and have no real interests in doing anything. The weather, even here in Northern California has not helped very much.

The depression is compounded because there also have been issues with the medications. Some of these issues, like nausea, metallic taste in the mouth, light-headedness, and upset stomach brought on by the medications side effects.

The sense of smell becomes more acute and one becomes nauseated by even soap or someone brushing their teeth. Even losing ones sense of taste, as I am unable to drink my favorite beverage, milk or eat most foods. All of this adds to the mental imbalance and makes the depression last longer.

However there is good news also to report. Each day I try to accomplish just one or two things like washing the dishes or like today making dinner for the first time since surgery. Trying to get back into the routine that I was in before.

I also have been thinking about my life in the past. Trying to put the pieces together and making sense of the puzzle. For let us not forget, I do not drink, smoke or take drugs and we have been eating very healthy, and yet I had a heart attack.

Therefore I have thought of how I want to spend the next 40 years plus. So from time to time, when I post again, I will share some insights with you. For it is in our control to choose the quality of life we want to life.

Thank you so very, very much for all your kind words. It has made a difference.

Warmest regards
Egmont