Strange how things work out. My brother shot himself in the head and I'm the one who found him. I was 19 and on drugs (acid) at the time. Pretty freaky. When my father died of shame two years later (doctors said leukemia but I know better), I felt the need to grab onto something/someone stable to take me through this. I went into a spiritual quest that led me to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior several years later. I'm not saying everyone should do the same, only that I will pray for your family too.