I agree with most of what Deemarie says, though I don't have any problem with the word “thrum” to describe rain. To me, a rain that thrums would be steady and more monotonous than one that drums, more depressing – less exciting. But Dee's right about the redundancy, and cutting the sentence eliminates the word anyway.

The story point that confused me the most was “that place”. The presence of both family and friends is perplexing. If it is home, then the mother and sister fit nicely, but the ex and her best friend complicate it. Certainly not impossible, but unusual, and in need of explanation (which of course, may be coming).

Dee's point on punctuation also applies to commas and ellipsis, you need a single space after each. I think you can eliminate the ellipsis after “Why?... Sigh...” and make it “Why? Sigh...” They don't seem to indicate a trailing off of thought there.

It is good evocative writing, capturing both setting and emotion well. Keep writing and keep posting.

~jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.