i checked out raunchy minds yesterday, and it seems to me well- suited to your interests, drafter69. the denizens seem very friendly to newcomers, and non-judgmental of specific fetishes. trekkie, i think a lot of people view certain aspects of BDSM as violent because they a) don't take the consent factor into account, b) don't grok that for some people pain can be pleasurable, and c) some form of female submission has previously been forced on generations of women and that's still going on in some countries, and it is therefore now very suspect. if one doesn't have that knowledge, or plain doesn't believe people when they talk about consent, or thinks female submission is unacceptably anti-feminist,then BDSM can sure can look violent.