Actually I'm not a cross dresser - I'm just in search of supportive legwear that has really good ventalation...

The "One In The Oven" thing refers to my unborn twin "Alfredo" who lives in my large intestine and has the power to peer into the future, but can only predict mundane events...

The viking helmet prevents space aliens and government mind beamers from reading my thoughts and discovering my plans to corner the market on all beef kosher bologna - in order to fund my diabolical efforts at warping the minds of America's consumers by opening a chain of nude fat farms that I'm going to call "slim down or Sea World will push you back into the ocean"...