try Lieterhosen.

gotta watch that - they tend to get out and go for walks on their own then you get blamed for all of their deeds.  

Naw just open up a liposuction clinic. Idonthink you gonna get many Rabbis to bless your  bologna , though. especially if you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do with the excreted fat.

BTW:

Idonthink no Viking hat will help you - the aliens discovered how to counteract the aluminum foil and hornyhat tricks about the same time we figured out how to shoot down their weather balloons way back in '47. That's why Reagan had to let all them mind controled guys out in the '80s. There were just too many of them and the budget for keeping them would have meant he couldn't play Dr. Strangelove with the Russians because we would have gone bankrupt first. So the consequence is that everything is four times as expensive as it should be and all those guys with horney hats are buying up everything in sight

.

• and a good week to quit eating balogna.