Thank You once again for all your kind words and sharing...

I have been gone from the Internet for two days now, as my full grief finally set in.  I was NOT prepared for the fact that a devoted animal could fight the sedative medication that would help him in preparation for the final injection! 

I have gone through this with two other beloved long lived cats, first Pumpkin who live to the 20 and died truly of just naturally old age where his body stopped functioning and yet in his sort of oblivious way was still purring and smiling at me as I carried them in for the last time to the vet, and then the very intelligent almost human Clancy Cat at age 18 who was dying of cancer very painfully accepted his sedative out in the car and became very sleepy and unaware and then his injection was very quick and peaceful as he was relieved of his terrible illness.

But Then my beloved sick old Travis cat, who is truly my unconditionally loving angel of a soulmate companion fought the first sedative that was a double dose... out in the car on my lap in front of the veterinary office...  he would not relax, and had to have a second different kind that was stronger and then he went into a rather fitful dream like state - all of which took almost an hour before we could carry him in where they explained that they had to put a catheter in his leg because "if they fight this and have to give a second one it's easier"...  Obviously they know what they're doing and they know that some animals do this but I was not prepared - I had never heard anyone else's experience of this before ...

And so making this difficult decision after sitting with Travis for three days and watching him the last day and a half be unable to drink or eat (he had IBS like his me, and was on medication and I think at the end there was more wrong inside than was apparent because he did not show any other symptoms) or even sleep (he would not even put his head down) and I knew he was in pain the last 24 hours (he had stopped being able to purr) but he would not leave his body on his own...  Well all of this made it a horrific process and my grief that much more because I could not accept for a while that I did the right thing until I screamed and cried and ranted and raved and finally my higher power made me remember seeing him suffer that I finally accepted that I did the right thing and that he was not mad at me - he simply did not want to leave me.

I have been unable to share this reality until now and until I moved through a little more of my deep grief... but I felt that I wanted to explain that this grief is the deepest I have ever felt.  Think of the person or the animal in your life that you loved the most and who loved you the most back unconditionally that you lost and you'll know where I am. I am going to try as I am able to make his tribute online album, because it's very special and important to me, and I am very grateful for all of your help and generosity for art images with him but if I and disappear for periods of time you'll understand.  I know that grief has stages and I know that I must move through them but one never knows exactly how that will go or how long it will take to at least get to the point of a sort of painful peace.

Life Requires Assembly and we all know how THAT goes!