Christ!!!! Not another damn probe!!!!  Will you guys stop sending scapmetal over here. I keep tripping over bloody rovers  and old parachutes. 
And what's the point in sending over a dvd with your names on it? I know them already.
I wouldn't mind if you'd just send me something useful like...er...... playmate of the month or a case of rum. 
I blame those bloody nasa idiots! How many times have I got to tell you? YES! THERE IS WATER ON MARS! YES! THERE IS LIFE ON MARS.....ME!!!!! God knows you took enough pictures. Flash,flash flash....I get arc-eye every time I look up.

Look, it's so easy. You keep wondering why your stuff doesn't last five minutes on the surface of my planet. Simple! When I find a probe or rover I rip the bloody solar cells out of it and use them myself. Mutter,mummble,curses, gripe,moan, grouch,grinch,............................................

Available on Amazon for the Kindle E-Reader

All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...