After our wedding we went on a driving tour of the UK. 2 hours in we had a puncture. I changed the wheel, kicked the car and yelled, "ONE!"
The next day while cruising north on the M1 the car spluttered to a halt. On the side of the road I popped the hood and stripped the carbourator, cleared out the float chamber, put it all back together, closed the hood, started the car and yelled, "TWO!"
That evening just as we pulled into Blackpool by the sea the exhaust pipe fell off. I stopped the car, emptied the boot/trunk of our luggage, let off the handbrake, let the thing roll into the water and screamed, "THREE!"
My new wife, amazed by my behaviour, yelled, "What the hell did you do that for? Now we don't have a car and we have to walk 5 miles to the hotel!"
I looked her right in the eyes and said, " One"...........................

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All the Woes of a World by Jonathan Icknield aka The Bryster

And in my final hours - I would cling rather to the tattooed hand of kindness - than the unblemished hand of hate...