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For a headband you can experiment with dynamic cloth. Flatten a torus, make it slightly larger than the head and set up an animation shrinking the torus; it will fit itself around the head (after several tries). Once finished save the result as an object and you have your headband.

if i where to do as you say
would i do this in the cloth room of poser
or would i do this in carrara?

You have to do this in Poser. In Carrara there is no tool to let it take the proper shape, although you could come very close.

please for give the noobie questions but
how do i do this in poser
secondly when i model somthing in carrara
and then import it into poser
the thing that i modeled is way bigger than it was in carrara
is there a way to keep this from happening?