Hi Zhann, I would like to add some input if thats OK.
I will give an honest opinion of what I think, and I hope you take it in good spirit.

20 years ago, I was writing music like this. This doesn't mean that your track sounds old, but simply as a basis of my own experiences with this style.

The sound: I like the cleanness of the track, but maybe it is a little too clean. I used to pump my 'clinicle' synth sounding tracks through a cheap mixer to add a little 'dirt'. This, in my opinion is far better than using effects for instance.

The hook: The repeating 'hook' does get a little repetitive, and if one switches from the first few bars to the mid point, one can still hear that the whole track hasn't evolved. This is where most of the work should be concentrated. Another thing is that since this repeating sound is the only thing that could be described as a 'hook' (the main theme) it should be more subtle. It should make the listner wait and beg for it. A good example can be heard in Vangelis' 'Heaven and Earth' where the track builds up nicely with complementing sounds, and ones breath is held till almost the end when the key changes. It's like listening to the lottery numbers one by one until finally all numbers have been chosen and you find you have just won. This is an excellent way to produce an instrumental track. Moreover, a Joke is the best way to describe instrumental music, first one is introduced to the emotion and overlaying storyline, and then one is presented with the 'punchline', this is the 'hook' that keeps the listner on tenterhooks for the 'best bit'.

The emotion: The track contains many colours but does lack emotional content. When writing a piece like this, 'don't write it'... instead feel it. Don't get expectant of the final results with instrumental music, hold back..... it's like 'savoring the moment'.
Think of it this way, all creative talent... and i'm not talking about maybe 60% of the "art" that gets uploaded into Renderosity, i'm talking about pure creative talent. This Pure creative talent comes from a source to which we are connected. One must believe that what they are creating comes directly from 'God', 'The Universal Mind'...or what ever your spirital beliefs are based upon....etc. If one firmly believes that the talent comes from their own brain, then one will never create 'Pure genius' in their work..... it's just a case of getting over the 'EGO' of the self. If your friends all say they like what you achieve, then that can be negative feedback, and your talent will never grow. You have a great talent with art already Zhann, and this is apparent if anyone visits your gallery here at ´Renderosity'.... just compose your music in a likewise manner and people won't just say it's wonderful, they will actually feel it too.

Conclusion: If you let yourself be more free when composing, that means to say if, you can let go of physical barriers of self ego, then you will create a style that is you (in the context of your spirital connection) and not one that is expected through general 'run of the mill' exceptance in this type of music.
I would love to hear your progress as you write more music, and I hope you take this in the spirit that it was given. Music that comes from beyond the 'brain' is the music that will be timeless.