Thanks emay, listening helps tremendously. Just letting me type it all out makes me feel a bit better, sort of heard of, even if there's no practical difference. I hope I'm not burdening you with stuff, and you can let it in one ear and out the other. I can be my worst enemy beating myself up for not being stronger. It's nice to hear from the outside that I do have a bit of a reason to feel the way I feel.

I'll get through it. I always somehow land on my feet with a lemonade glass in my hand. But, while I'm flying through the air tumbling and spinning around and screaming, sometimes it's hard to see which way is up. Like I said, somehow I always managed to land on my feet and lick off the scratches, or so I keep telling myself. I guess it's a cat thing, smack into the wall head first, and then act like... um, I meant to do this, and, uh, [whisker twitch] I'm fine [whisker twitch]!

Luckily I have a few xanax left from couple of months ago, that's keeping the worst under control. I also learned that crying it out always helps for a while. It's embarrasing to have to cry, but afterwards... it's like taking a good crapper, you feel relieved.  My anxieties can be bad, but luckily my depression is not so bad.. or I've developed a sort of a duality. Feelings are on one side of the room, pouting and waiting for a hug, and the logical side is trying to figure out what to do to improve things... and sometimes the two fight for attention.  ....  So it goes.

LOL, I IM-ed a little bit with my mom today to bring her up to speed (whom is still over in Croatia), and the conversation boiled down to, well, I hope you figure it all out, and eat more brocolli, it has anti-oxidants in it. She's about as useless as she's ever been. No wonder it took me till after I moved away from home to develop more emotionally. I get more sympathy and emphaty from you guys here then from her.... But, she has her problems too...

On a good side, Bri Bri is being wonderful. She knew something was up with me today, and made a super affectionate showing. She's such a good little baby, and a little smarty pants. Loves to play with the little mice (the fake mice you get at the pet store). Grabs it by the tail and carries it around to play. Then when she's done playing, she brings it back. Not exactly where she got it from, but somewhat close.

Eh, I'm rambling again. Thanks a bunch for listening hugz

Hi, my namez: "NO, Bad Kitteh, NO!"  Whaz yurs?
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